It's Always Too Late
by WeBuiltThePyramids
Summary: "It had been too late from the moment that Robin was born." Robin's thoughts while Ted holds her.  Set at the end of Symphony of Illumination.  Ted/Robin friendship, thoughts of Barney/Robin.


**I want Barney and Robin to end up together. But I also liked Ted/Robin together and I love their friendship now. I know some Barney/Robin fans that think every single scene with Ted/Robin was meaningless and boring. I am not one of them. I love their friendship and I love how much he cares even though at this point in the show he does not have romantic feelings for her. I find it sweet. And I love that he comforted her at the end of this ep-or tried to, anyway.**

**I don't own anything. If I did, believe me, she wouldn't be hurting like this now or ever. And Barney wouldn't have hurt in Tick Tick Tick. In fact, none of them would hurt so bad ever. Not that you guys can tell, given my angsty fics. :(**

"Wait, wait, this is the best part."

Robin looked again at the lighting display and wanted to smile. She really did. But nothing could make her feel better right now. Damn, her stupid, stupid, stupid subconscious for making those kids look like her and Barney. And damn whoever was in charge of things that happened in the world for making her "pregnant", then taking that away while letting her be happy about it, only to find out that even if she was ready sometime down the road, she'd never actually be sitting in a doctor's office, Barney by her side – as her boyfriend or her husband this time – and be told "congratulations. You are pregnant."

Never.

Never was a word that truly sucked. She had been told since what seemed like forever that she'd have to work hard to make it in New York CIty, and she'd been told she'd have to sacrifice a lot to make it as a journalist.

But she always knew she could. It was possible.

But having kids, for her, was impossible.

It would never happen.

Never.

Not even if she accomplished all she wanted as a career woman and decided she wanted some little person in her life that was part her. Maybe she wouldn't. But knowing that it could never happen made her crave it, made her want someone calling her "mommy," and made her want to go to the zoo and the museum and PTA meetings.

The career woman in her hated that the other part of her wanted it now. And it wasn't even "too late."

_It's never too late, Barney._ She could still remember Nora saying that, months ago. Nora was wrong.

It's _always_ too late.

It had been too late from the moment that Robin was born.

Or maybe she'd smoked too many cigars, maybe she'd drank too much, maybe she'd done something to her body that had removed that possibility. At least she'd likely never know. Because that might kill her.

But at least then she'd feel like she had some say in the matter.

She felt the tears coming and her face contorted in an effort to hide it. But she knew she couldn't. Not anymore. She could hide the reason for the tears, but the tears themselves were coming, clouding her vision and spilling over and she turned around and accepted Ted's embrace, letting him hold her and wishing things were different.

"Ted," she whimpered, shaking with sobs.

"It's okay," Ted whispered, seeming to realize she was more devastated now than she'd ever been before and not going over the top to cheer her up. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," she sobbed. "I'll…I'll never be a pole vaulter. Even if, you know, after I become a famous journalist and then I were to decide it was all I wanted…or needed…you know?...to complete my life, it just can't happen. I could...I could always adopt pole valuters, but it's impossible to be one myself."

"Robin," Ted said with a little laugh, "most pole vaulters are too old to actually be adopted."

Well, she supposed she couldn't blame him for assuming she was being literal. "Ted?" Robin pulled back and looked at him.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Stop talking and just hold me." She moved back into his arms and buried her head. She wasn't going to tell him – if anyone should know, Barney would be the first – but at this moment she was grateful that he was here. She didn't feel any obligation to tell him, letting him hold her didn't make her feel guilty like she knew getting comfort about the "pole vaulter" from Barney would. She knew Ted wouldn't ask, and she knew she didn't have to say. He wasn't the guy who she thought got her pregnant; he wasn't the guy she loved. Not anymore. But at least in part, he was who he had been for the past seven years – one of the most treasured friends she'd ever share her life with.

And right now, he was exactly what she needed. "Couch?" she managed and Ted guided the two of them over and eased them down. She curled up next to him, still crying. "Thank you," she said, squeezing his wrist gently.

"Hey," Ted said. "So you don't become a pole vaulter. You've still got your news career, and you know what? It's going to take you places you've never dreamed of going. You've put too much effort into that to let the dream just fade away." He gave the top of her head a friendly kiss.

_Oh, Teddy boy._ He had no way of knowing how much that sentence, formed with one hundred percent caring, hurt Robin to her very core.

**Before I get reviews saying Robin still won't ever truly want kids, it's established that she always wants stuff she can't have. Even if, when she has time to come to terms with it, she realizes she doesn't want kids after all, at the time this fic takes place I legitimately think, in her despair over knowing it's impossible, she does want them.**


End file.
